My GP had a point- I was doing well, had a great entrepreneurial career, three beautiful adult children, was articulate (well at least in public) Why did I want to pursue a diagnosis?

But some areas of my life didn’t feel fine, they felt tumultuous and chaotic. Life had often been tough and even though I had come out of major trials, traumas and tragedies intact, I was sometimes confused as to how people treated and reacted to me. As a child, I had been bullied by children and adults and I knew that I was often misunderstood by others.

I have been described as an enigma, a tornado, a catalyst for change, an inspiration, a leader and on occasion a mess (and sometimes worse)! I have been celebrated for being honest, kind, quirky and feisty and condemned for these traits too. I experience life intensely and because of this intensity, had struggled with my mental health.

I considered myself 'unemployable' as I would easily lose interest in jobs or flit from one passion to the next. Thank goodness for my creative visions - these allowed me to create careers on a self employed basis - that came from my heart and value base 'Removing Barriers to Participation' such as, integrated day nurseries and after school clubs, babysitting services and culminating in a national mobile creche company - providing on-site childcare throughout the UK, for families with children with additional needs – entrepreneurship was my professional savior.

I found self-care routines and coping mechanisms that suited me well, but they often involved doing things differently to others. I went against the grain and learnt to retreat to places where I could recharge and avoid people for a while. 'Peopled Out was my explanation to friends, family and colleagues - without the self awareness as to why I felt I had to do this.

I was congratulated on doing things that others found almost impossible to do or at least found difficult. Things like public speaking, travelling alone, linking up people and organisations, creating enterprises.

Things seemed back to front, chaotic and very little made sense to me, in certain situations. To some, I was too much, and, to others, I was wonderful. The scary part was not knowing and continuing not to know how each person would respond to all that I am.

The interpretations of others were difficult for me to process. It was difficult to know who to trust. I had a sense of who I was when I was alone, but within social interactions with other people, I would feel confused, ridiculed, criticized, celebrated, revered and rejected. 

No-one ever mentioned Autism or ADD – I had tried to make sense of me, written my story in my head about why I was like I was, my conclusion - childhood trauma.

This trauma and the years of therapy I underwent, led me to train as a counselor thus helping me to learn how to accept myself, alongside this, a young lady that I am very close to was diagnosed with autism. It became my passion to learn as much as I could to try and help her navigate her experiences in a neurotypical world, with the least trauma. 

As I researched......I saw myself, growing up, light-bulb moment after light-bulb moment...why had no-one ever suggested to me that I might be neurodiverse?

It’s difficult to try and articulate how it feels to finally have it confirmed you are neurodiverse at 52 years old. Even though I am coming to terms with my diagnosis, I know I’ve always been different. I know nothing has fundamentally changed, but so much is changing because of that label.

I feel relieved and proud, very proud. I'm not entirely sure why I feel proud, but I really do. I feel like I have found myself.

The above picture was painted for me by a very good fiend - his interpretation of my explanations.I haven’t been intentionally masking. I have been trying to survive and sometimes, that has been tougher than others. I have been hiding in plain sight, like so many women.

I see this condition as being something that I am accepting as opposed to a part of me I feel ashamed of. What I am hoping to do is help others like me and use my privilege, education and voice to advocate for increased awareness on neurodiversity, particularly in women. 

I believe that as our awareness of neurodiversity increases that neurologically diverse people will have significant and important roles to play in developing more humane, compassionate, and just societies.

I am helping people achieve their potential and create a space for themselves in an accepting and understanding society. I am involved with improving society for those who are other, who are different, not less.

I will finish with a poem I wrote for the Brain Charity for Neurovision Week 2023:

'A Different Mind' - Female Late Diagnosis

A hidden struggle, an internal fight,

A story of a nuerodivergent woman's plight,

Living in a world that's not designed,

For the complexities of a different mind

Underlying struggles that have no name,

This confusion and isolation is not a game,

Talents are overshadowed by lack of words

Don't be fooled by outwardly composed nerves.

The mask is created to be accepted and 'normal'

Hiding the pain, confusion, shame without a label,

It masks the tenacity it takes to keep on course,

Are you wise? Can you see through it? Recognize these women's true force?

Everyday tasks are so much harder than they should

Anxiety that grows and keeps us misunderstood

As the ability to focus on daily life fades away,

Whilst trying to cope with sensory over stimulation, all day

But amid all of the anguish and turmoil inside,

There lies potential that cannot be denied

Neurodiversity has its own unique gifts to give,

From creativity to resilience , the power to lead and live

Innovative ideas we come up with quickly,

Able to understand complex problems simply,

Thinking outside the box has never been more clear

Please let us show our talents without fear.

The challenges faced by neurodivergent, women must not be ignored

The hope of a brighter future is held by us all

Earlier diagnosis, recognition of traits,

Educate the educators before its too late

The next generation, these are the ones we fight for,

Too late for our sisters who, sadly, have passed before

Misunderstood, excluded, mental health labels galore

We are here, with courage, resilience, understand us and give us support.

 Julie Williams 28/02/2023

 I look forward to connecting with you

Much Love Julie